1. Don’t Fix It

Two Utah men learned this lesson the hard way and landed themselves in jail. Their crime? Stealing and castrating horses without the owner’s permission. Back in April 2013, Marvin Jay Hunt and Colby Elias Hunt apparently liberated four horses from a pen in Beryl, Utah. The horses were later found approximately 55 miles away in Enoch, Utah, almost completely intact, save for their testicles. The two men were charged with “wonton destruction of livestock,” a second-degree felony that could mean jail time. Hunt also faces a charge of tampering with a witness. I wonder if the “fruits” of the criminals’ labors were involved in the tampering episode…

2. Don’t Stuff It

Tom McFeely, a bankrupt developer and former IRA hunger striker from south Dublin also learned this lesson the hard way. After McFeely’s plumber found 140,000 Euros hidden in the bathroom, police raided McFeely’s mansion. During the search of the McFeely’s mansion, police were shocked to discover a glass case housing a taxidermied horse with Coraline-style button eyes. DNA analysis later identified the horse as Shergar, famous for winning the Epsom Derby by ten lengths in 1981 and subsequently being named European Horse of the Year later that year. Shergar was stolen from Ballymany Stud, near The Curragh in County Kildare, Ireland by masked gunmen on February 8, 1983.

Although it took 30 years, the mystery of “What Happened to Shergar” is finally solved, giving Shergar’s owners, trainers, and fans the closure that was never garnered following the investigation into Jimmy Hoffa’s disappearance in 1975.

One of the more interesting aspects of the story was the astute eye of one of the detectives involved in the case who noted a small wooden plaque with Shergar’s name engraved in a comic sans font … Really? I thought they’d have used a more royal old English-style font in cursive.

Officials later reported that Shergar was being held in a secure location in Dublin and in “stable” condition.

3. Don’t Stuff It In Your Car

In an attempt to do a good deed and save two miniature ponies—Mozart and Polly—from a slaughterhouse in Germany, two women learned that police frown on stuffing horses, regardless of the altruistic reasoning behind the act, into cars and driving on the autobahn. The two rescuers were released with only a warning that driving with an insecure load is illegal. The kindly officers arranged for Mozart and Polly to take refuge in a nearby field to graze in peace until the women would arrange appropriate transport.